Poverty

Poverty
May 20 2011, 12 PM
In most American shows they picture poor families having lots of kids. For the first time my father's image looks like that to me! He had his first child when he was 25, and by the time he was 30 he had scored 5 kids! Though he was far from being and alcoholic or drug addict, his life resembles lives of those american poor dads. Somehow he managed to make a living as a teacher and later started his own groceries store. But his hard time as a child and later as a father had left its mark on him forever. Anger and fear are the most obvious indexes in his personality. His view of the world is this fucked up situation in which you would be lucky to be able to feed some mouths. He sees every new relation as a threat rather than an opportunity. And among all the possible ways of living, he sees teaching as a university professor the most stable career for me, and maybe his other kids too!
I'm a very very independent person, my opinions and beliefs are not acquired from any other one bur myself, yet still there's one common belief among me and my ancestors: we all think that we know everything that we need to know ourselves! My grandfather is like that, my father is like that, and so am I. So there isn't that much to communicate among us, if someone thinks sth is bad and the other one doesn't, there's no way they can come to terms. So no problems can be solved! And as the times pass, the gap widens.
I'm going to upload this post unedited and unrevised, so if ever anyone reads this note (including future me), well then this is an example of my flux of writing!

Amen

Amen
May 14 2011, 1 AM
God felt lonely so he created a man
I felt lonely so I created a goddess :D
Things going really great between me and Ameneh. My first experience in a serious relationship has so far amazed me, I didn't think I could get this emotional. Yet so far it feels like a dream! Not that I don't think of her a lot, but sometimes I'm shocked and can't believe it's happening. But honestly I miss her, and I'm very happy texting to her and waiting for a reply. In these scenarios I've always considered myself an outsider, not the one who can't see inside, but rather someone who sees from above. But I don't feel bad playing this silly role. For now I'm really happy.
At the age 23 I want to start playing bass! I don't know if I can, but kinda I feel a desire to play an instrument.
I'm going to keep this one short, so I'll end it now.

Dilemma

Dilemma

May 9 2011 1 AM
I'm in a bad bad bad dilemma. Robot me has one weak point, actually it's my Achilles hook! And it's one emotional problem with a certain person. There have been only one important girl in my life and stupid as it may seem it's kinda my only love. I met her when I was a kid and since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. These feeling had a peak point when I was like 16 or 17, but as the years passed by they became weaker and weaker, yet still they were there all the time. And now, at the age of 23 that girl has come back, not her memories, but her actual self. And here is the dilemma. I feel like I'm not ready to settle down for this. Probably such a haughty wouldn't even look at me, but now she is the reacher! She started all this, it started when she sent me a friendship request on Facebook, and after that fb messaging started. At first it was all casual, but as the number and frequency of messages grew up, she approached with some emotional comments, and now she openly uses "I love you" and all. She then started SMSing me on my cell. Well, at least she hasn't started making phone calls! I hope she doesn't!
And all I can do is to walk
And kick empty pepsi cans
While dancing stupidly to Fever Ray
And smoking my stupid Camels

Who says the world has changed?

Who says the world has changed?
May 02 2011, 1AM
So, it's been a while. I missed these notes, but I could get by without them!
I play squash now, last two weekends I've gone climbing and mostly bouldering (I'm so weaker though), I talked to Barzin about buying a bass guitar, though it's pretty lame for a 23 years old to start playing an instrument :D (don't mind using emoticons, I'm getting used to them thanks to Facebook). And sure Facebook is taking over suburbs!!! Last month two of my female cousins found me on fb and sent friendship requests! Before that some guy I new from school had done that.
About calling my hometown a suburb:
Tehran, this 12M mess has dominated itself so much as a capital city that every other town and city in Iran is considered a suburb compared to it, so when I say Facebook is taking over suburbs I don't mean exactly American type of suburbs. American suburbs are about family life and houses and desperate kids dreaming of big cities, while in Iran life in small towns doesn't differ that much in those respects from Tehran. Sure there is less apartments in small towns and more independent bachelors in Tehran, but save for better weather (and even that only in parts) town life has no advantage, it's screwed in every aspect.
In fact Tehran isn't that much of a big city as New York is. For one all parts of Tehran isn't expensive, so making it possible to working class mass to live there. The same goes for economical activities: only some parts of Tehran is economically productive, well there is some action going on in those godforsaken districts, but only enough to supply their own consumption and maybe only a little bit more to make climbing up the social ladder possible for the deserving ones. They tell it's a 12M city, but you can cut down the living population to 3M.
Valiasr is the biggest street in the city, connecting railway station to Tajrish square, a total of 17km long, well that might be true, but this line connecting Azadi squre to Tehranpars, stupidly divided to three separate streets called Azadi, Enghelab and Damavand, chops the city into two! North city and South city.
Gotta sleep, maybe to be continued